I feel like there’s discrimination and a double standard towards single people. Even though I bought a house just like newly married people do, I work hard and make my bills, nobody has purchased any kitchen appliance or ANYTHING for me, yet time after time I get invited to weddings where a couple has a DOUBLE income yet I’m expected to get them a coffee maker or fine china or nice flatware or crystal vases or designer towels - things I don’t have and nobody ever purchased for me. Just because I want to be present on a special occasion - their union - does it mean I have to take them a pricey gift too. At several weddings, bridal showers, engagement parties a year - it adds up to hundreds of dollars, not to mention should they have children then the baby showers, birthdays and all that. Shouldn’t the invites say “gift optional”. I ended up not going to 3 of my close first cousins weddings and just sent a cannot make it to my 4th cousin’s wedding because I’m not a cash cow. Just because they fork out expenses for a wedding doesn’t mean I can afford to fork out on a new dress, present from their gift registry etc. I think it’s tacky frankly to not make gift giving optional. Thoughts.
I’d rather not go than look cheap by getting ’something small’. I’m not an arts/crafts, not into making things by hand or albums etc. They all register to upper end stores for their registries and pre-choose what they expect the guest to purchase.
Just because they want to shell out money on a wedding doesn’t mean they have a right to register and expect gifts.
11 Responses to “Does a single person have to get a gift for weddings.”
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That’s what housewarming parties are for. FYI. You’re supposed to throw it.
Weddings are a celebration of a union. If you go to a celebration you can get them something, but it doesn’t have to be pricey. Example, my half sister made me a photo album. I loved it.
In other words, you don’t have to put yourself in debt. But, it is nice to show the couple that you’re happy for them and their union. Something small is perfectly suitable.
Gift giving is optional. The person or persons being honored may feel slighted though if you do not get a gift but attend their function. It is kind of an etiquette that you shouldn’t show up empty handed but it doesn’t matter how much you spend. I got tired of that too when I used to go to multiple weddings and other events and was expected to buy that kind of stuff for people but hardly ever had the money to afford to get those things for myself.
Buy something that’s not very costly or just decline to go.
Being single has nothing to do with it- if you’re invited, getting them a gift or not is still up to your own preference and feeling. I agree that lists are greedy and shameless; I wouldn’t dream of it myself. Get something you think is reasonable if you want to get them a gift; don’t if you don’t want to (but be prepared for awkwardness afterwards because some people are THAT materialistic- it’s like the big occasions, weddings etc, are just about presents. Yuk.) and that you think they would like and leave it at that.
Although the invite does not say “gifts optional” this is a true statement. You are not required to buy a gift for a person when going to a wedding. The idea of inviting you means they just want you to be there with them on their big day. Now about a new dress, I don’t think that they really care that much if you have a brand new dress to go to their wedding. Re-using the one from the last wedding you went to is perfectly fine. I am currently planning my wedding and I would never in a million years require people to bring a gift if they come. I hope that this helps, and for more information on the subject check out the website in my sources.
if you don’t feel like giving them something then don’t that’s usually why there is a gift table where you can leave (or not leave) gifts on. that way you aren’t put on the spot for not having a gift.
PS - I usually don’t get people what they have on thier registry anyways- that’s too impersonal. although I did have a registry when I got married just because everyone was telling me I “had” to get one.
Nobody has to get a gift for a wedding. If you do want to get something but not something cheap, pool your money with other people and give the gift together.
It generally costs the wedding couple somewhere between $30 and $60 for each guest to attend. It is therefore appropriate to buy them a gift, so that you aren’t just mooching free food and booze.
You shouldn’t even have to ask this question if you have made all of your own major purchases. Gift giving is “optional” but you really should buy something, even if it is only a card. They invited YOU, not the gift. And yes, YOU should throw yourself a housewarming party, but don’t expect everyone to buy you a gift. You do not have to be married, in a relationship or part of one to be invited to these important events. Most people doing the inviting know that a majority of the guests will not be bringing a gift, so don’t feel bad. But it is the right thing to do if you can afford something worth ten dollars or more.
A wedding is a celebration and if you are close to the couple and are truly happy for them, then you should have no bad feelings about buying them a gift. Gift don’t have to be expensive either. I have looked at gift registries and used them as a guide for colors and preferences and shopped at more affordable stores.
Weddings are very expensive and yes it’s their choice to spend their money that way. Also, it’s your choice not to attend. When you bought your house, why didn’t you throw yourself a housewarming party. If you invite people over and feel them well, they will probably bring gifts.
Give the gifts.
Your situation is irrelevant of what is the right thing to do.
It’s not their fault you’re single. Wear whatever you already own and use the money saved for a gift. That’s the right thing to do. You don’t buy a new outfit and then show up empty handed, that’s ridiculously self-centered and selfish.
Your argument is contradictory. You complain about not wanting to get an expensive gift but complain that you don’t want to “look cheap.” Gifts are ALWAYS optional, that’s why it’s never said on an invite. If they were manditory, they wouldn’t be gifts. The idea behind a wedding gift isn’t to pimp out their new home with expensive stuff. it’s to celebrate their union and show support for their new home together.
If you don’t want to get a gift, don’t get a gift, get a nice card expressing that same sentiment of support and celebration. If you don’t want to “look cheap” (because you are afraid of judgemental relatives passing judgement on you or something. Why you would worry about what judgemental people think, I haven’t a clue) then lay down the cash. It’s one or the other. If someone is bitter or complains about not getting an appropriately overpriced gift, it’s their self-absorbed, spoiled brat of a problem, not yours. Did you have a housewarming party when you bought your house. That would have been the venue for you to get house-related gifts.
Why can’t you wear something you already own to the wedding. Or even the same nice outfit to more then one of them. Are you in the wedding party. If you are, explain that while you are very happy for her and want to share her special occasion, you lack the funds for a dress and would either need the bride to allow you to pick out your own outfit or can’t be in the party and will attend as a guest only. Sometimes a bride will pick up the tab for their bridesmaids gowns as a “thank you” present, but usually not.
People do have a right to register. They never have a right to “expect” gifts as explained before about the voluntary nature of gift-giving. The registry is suggestion and is a courtesy to guests who do wish to give a gift. I think it’s tacky to include where people are registered on the wedding invites, myself. That seems to be gift-begging.
You don’t have to get a gift at all and you don’t have to get a gift from the registry. Honestly, as a bride, I was always much more pleased if a guest RSVPed “yes” then if they got me a gift. I wanted people there to share my day. gifts were just a nice thing that happened. I would much rather have had someone come without a gift then not come because they couldn’t afford one or not come and send something instead.
-Scarlet