I feel like there’s discrimination and a double standard towards single people. Even though I bought a house just like newly married people do, I work hard and make my bills, nobody has purchased any kitchen appliance or ANYTHING for me, yet time after time I get invited to weddings where a couple has a DOUBLE income yet I’m expected to get them a coffee maker or fine china or nice flatware or crystal vases or designer towels - things I don’t have and nobody ever purchased for me. Just because I want to be present on a special occasion - their union - does it mean I have to take them a pricey gift too. At several weddings, bridal showers, engagement parties a year - it adds up to hundreds of dollars, not to mention should they have children then the baby showers, birthdays and all that. Shouldn’t the invites say “gift optional”.
I ended up not going to 3 of my close first cousins weddings and just sent a cannot make it to my 4th cousin’s wedding because I’m not a cash cow. Just because they fork out expenses for a wedding doesn’t mean I can afford to fork out on a new dress, present from their gift registry etc. I think it’s tacky frankly to not make gift giving optional. Thoughts.
If I threw a dinner party I wouldn’t register at a gourmet food store with $10/pound cheese and $100 wines on my wish list like tacky couples getting married do for their registries at upscale department stores.
And the last wedding i went to a couple of months ago, you had to PAY for the alcohol - after asking the bartender to make me a martini he charged $15. I was like TACK-Y. I think I”m threw with weddings.
House warming parties are the same type or tackiness - people want to get presents so my point is I don’t want to give presents just to share on someone’s occasion and likewise I’ve bought 4 homes in the past 15 years - not one present, so I’m not about to be as tacky as they are by throwing a “housewarming” i.e. gift hording party. I’ve given in to pressure to attend these tacky events all my life and it’s time I say NO and I’m not going to let my family make me feel guilty for not having gone to my cousins weddings.
singlemom - the invite didn’t say the bar would charge for the drinks - i didn’t know until after the bartender made mine and asked for $15 and I had already brought a present. And no thanks I’m not a sheep herd to want to get married like a controlled person who needs a certificate from the government to validate their love and an excuse to get presents.
Don’t worry Maria - if I ever get married I’ll include a note that says “in lieu of gifts you can make a donation to your favorite charity if you so desire”
Tags: kitchen supplies, kitchen utensils, kitchen cookware, kitchen accessories, kitchen gadgets
14 Responses to “Does a single person have to get a gift for weddings.”
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Um, gifts are entirely optional. You never have to give someone a gift because they got married or had a baby. Your relationship status is irrelevant. People don’t put ‘gifts optional’ on invitations because that would be assuming gifts, which is rude. If your presence is requested at an event, a gift is not expected. The exception would be showers which are a gift-giving event, but are entirely optional to attend. It is, however, good etiquette to give a small gift to your host, again, relationship status irrelevant. If you, as a single person, host a dinner party in your home, some of your guests will likely show up with a gift.
It’s not their fault you haven’t married or had a housewarming party or, heck, plenty of people have faux receptions when they know they aren’t getting married. So why are you trying to punish them for your decisions. The invites shouldn’t mention anything at all about gifts, including that they are optional because they are always optional. You don’t have to bring a gift at all really if you feel that strong about it. I hate that people make weddings all about the gifts, both on the married couples side who think of the wedding as only a means to get stuff and on the guest side. It’s not about gifts. It’s about love. But, keep in mind, the couple is giving you a gift too. You are getting typically a night of entertainment, a $20-30 meal and often alcohol on top of getting to celebrate a special day. And yet having to shell out $20-30 on a gift is just too much. I don’t know what bride would want such a selfish self centered guest.
When I got married, I had a cousin with five children
She came to my out of state wedding, share a room with two of her mother
She gave a card
I knew she could not afford this
You could have a party for your new house
A lot of people have house warming party
Depending on who they are, they bring gift
I think you should do what you think is right
If you can not afford this wedding, then do not go
Let’s see if we can break this down. First, no one said that you have to go to the wedding; however, if you choose to do so, then yes it is customary to take a gift. That being said, no one said the gift has to be pricey or from their gift registry. Many people think out of the box and present the couple with other gift options. Most importantly have fun and enjoy the special day with the couple, friends and family.
My thoughts are your bitter old hag who is just pissed she isnt married. You should like open bar receptions that means u get to gift less because the couple paid less to feed and beverage the quests DUH grow up what are you 22.
edit OKSY so your under 21 maybe you didnt know the bar was gonna cahrge because thats a WOM thing not something put on and invite and since your not legal to drink know one needed to tell you. Also if you choose to live in sin that is your right just because everyone else does it the right way they benfit and get gift and you shrewed wind up with diddly squat which you should for obvious reason.
You could have always had a housewarming party if you wanted gifts. It’s not discriminatory. Some couples spend a lot more than a single person does on a gift and some spend a lot less. Maybe when you get married you’ll get gifts, that is if you have any friends with your attitude. Gifts are always optional, couples make registries so their guests who are generous will know what they want and so they won’t end up with numerous items of the same thing. Most are also courteous enough to pick a variety of items in different price ranges for those who can’t afford much or are too stingy to be considerate. I think it’s tacky to go to a wedding and be so self centered and stingy that you feel burdened to buy a nice gift.
Personally I wouldn’t care whether anyone bought me a gift or not, their attendance is my gift, but with an attitude like yours I wouldn’t want you there anyway because you’d just be a gloomy gus all night and ruin it for me and everyone else who understands attending a wedding is an honor and a chance to wish the happy couple a wonderful future.
I’ve been single my whole life, and I agree, in some cases there is a double standard towards single people. We never get the bed, (lol) always the couch, and we are sometimes expected to contribute as much as couples in a lot of situations. However, I have finally let it be known that I am a single woman and can’t afford to contribute as much as couples can. When I pay for dinner, I pay for myself, when I put money in on the cab, I put my share, no more no less. When I give wedding gifts, I try to be creative and give something I would want to have for myself. This doesn’t mean expensive. This means going outside of the registry list and finding something unique, finding that gift that everyone is going to say “wow, that is so cool, never thought of that.”. I’ve given picnic baskets filled with treats, wrapped in a checkered table cloth, and it might sound boring, but people love it. Kitchen gadgets are also a hit, Backyard and Veranda is one of my favourite stores to go to for wedding gifts. It’s not about the money. Good luck~
This is more rant than question, but you’re making a lot of wrong assumptions. With the exception of showers, gifts are always optional. Why not just attend the weddings of these people and not all the other events. Also, the registry is just a guideline. You don’t HAVE to buy anything off of it.
I do agree that cash bars are tacky.
All I can think of is how selfish you are being.Me this Me that.
All those people are getting married, and no one is purchasing them gifts because they bought a house.those are call house warming parties. When you get married people will purchase gifts for your life together with your new husband.
As for being optional.you don’t have to buy anyone anything, that’s your choice.
I was going to write a thoughtful answer to you, and then I realized you’re just here to rant. For someone who says that gift-giving occasions are tacky, you sound awfully upset that you aren’t getting any crystal or china.
Gifts are always optional, so is your attendance; you are not obligated to do either.
I completely understand that all those weddings, showers and yes. subsequent baby showers and toddler birthday parties do add up. And wait until it is their turn to gift, they will not because they are still paying for the wedding that they couldn’t afford. and YES. paying for $15 martini, $7.00 beer and $3.00 bottle of water is offensive after buying that $250 Lenox platter from their registry.
I have advice: Look at the invitation they send you. If they are cheap looking, facebook invitations, RSVP’s with no stamps, if they have cash bars, if they want you to chip in for their honeymoon and those trashy, slap on the face charity favors, if the do not feed you and ask you to dance with the groom for a crisp $20 and all other money grubbing scams, I suggest you buy a card and bring some $20s with you and at the end of the reception, assess how much to give. It’s better than to feel ripped off at the end of the day and hold a grudge. I’ve been there, I’ve been used several times and wished that I had walked away with my gift in hand.
Good luck
An invitation would never say gifts optional because by a gifts definition they ARE optional. If someone expects a gift from you in order to attend their wedding then they aren’t a real friend anyway. That being said it is polite to bring a gift to any party, wedding, birthday or otherwise. That’s not to say you have to buy that 100 item on their registry, you can give something less expensive if that is what you can afford/ feel comfortable giving. I am 23 right now and my husband and I were married just over a year ago so I was 22. There were quite a few of my friends who couldn’t afford gifts at all, so they gave me a card with well wishes inside. That’s really all you need to do.
Oh and I have to say you sound really bitter and resentful let it go. Not all people getting married are sheep. Why don’t you just live and let live. Everyone wants different things out of life if marriage isn’t for you then don’t get married, but some people like the idea of marriage and shouldn’t be looked down upon for it.
Good god you are bitter.
Bridal showers and baby showers are gift giving events, they are the point of the occasion or party. Married or single you should expect to give a gift. The concept of the shower is this its to “shower” the honoree(s) with gift of items they will need to establish their new home together or gifts of items they will need for their new baby.
Engagement parties are to announce an engagement it is *not* a gift giving event and couples and guests should not expect that gifts will be given. If you are receiving engagement party invites with a registry or gift information, this person needs to catch up on their etiquette because its tacky.
Bachelor(ette) parties are also not gift giving events. They are a night out to celebrate with the groom or bride to be, each guest is expected for this to pay for their own meal, festivities, etc.
Weddings: Gifts are entirely optional, no couple should ever *expect* to receive any gifts for their wedding. However, most guests feel giving a gift to help celebrate the occasion with them is the right thing to do.
There is no discrimination of single people, the couple or the person hosting the event (wedding, baby shower, bridal shower) cannot help the fact that you are single and have one income, they probably did not even think about that when they invited you to be their guest. They likely invited you to be their guest because you were their friend, family member and they valued you as a person, not your tax filing status.
While I’m engaged now, I have been single and invited to many weddings, showers, etc. I had no problems buying a gift to help them celebrate the occasion, and not because I thought I had to, but because I **wanted** to. I like you (and married couples as well) do not have an unlimited income, however I know to stick within reason of my budget, I do not spend more than I can afford to which is also known as living beyond your means. If its a registry I stick to something nice and affordable in my budget, or I get them a gift card to the store depending on the event. I just like you (and married people) have bills of my own to pay. I own a home, a car, I pay taxes, I pay electricity, I pay gas, I pay insurance, I pay cell phone bills, I pay cable bills, etc. You’re not the only single person who has bills.
While yes, gifts are optional at weddings, I **personally** would never show up to a wedding without a gift. I take into consideration that this couple or whomever is hosting the wedding is incurring a cost to have me as their guest. Wedding gifts are generally not a profit event, the cost of the wedding usually by far is more than anything you receive in gifts. If you are single and on a limited income, I don’t think anyone is expecting you to buy them a $500 piece of china place setting.
Overall your gripe is that it doesn’t benefit you so you see it as a hassle. Everything in here is about “me, me, and me”, nobody did this for me, nobody did that for me.
When I bought my house, nobody bought things for me either and — I didn’t care, I can buy my own things. While I mentioned I’m engaged, that doesn’t mean I have a double income, I do not live with my fiance, we both have our own homes and our finances for now are still separate.
While I also don’t agree with cash bars, who said you had to drink. Martini’s in general are an expensive drink.
If you can’t be happy for someone for their occasion no matter what it is, it may be better for you to not go so you don’t rain on their parade and make it miserable.
simple. you don’t want to give a gift.then don’t go to all these weddings, showers and housewarmings.
just don’t expect people to show up when its your turn.