Running up onto the porch of our new family home, I go inside to the kitchen and circle the new stainless steal appliances and fake marbled floors. A new home, a delight in my honor. My old house was haunted (explain the haunting a little bit more) and after years of complaining to my harris mother, she finally gave in and bought a new house. We moved because of the downpour of mortgage payments we still had to pay, also. Having no way to do so, we sold our modern home to settle for this place. It was cheap but not too far from family and friends.

Okay the main thing I could tell from this is that you’re going too fast. You should have showed her going into the kitchen and told more about the haunting. That’s interesting so the reader wants a little more info on that. What kind of ghost. Was the main character harmed or scared by it.

Just work on that I guess. I’m not really good with judging horror, so I won’t even try. Good luck.

I like it.

it is a little confusing though.

Oh well.

There seems to be no pace. If I were you, I would carefully consider slowing things down, and moving at the speed of your character.

I would start here and work in back story little by little. These sentences are compelling and speak of conflict to come. Everything before this is set up. It’s not bad except for some spelling and grammatical errors, it’s just that you should start out with something compelling first. State the story goal, put the POV character in some kind of danger (doesn’t have to be death, but dire consequences) so we care what happens next.