Comments on: What do you think of my story. Homework.

By: Allusionary

Allusionary — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

I am getting lazy. I got tired of typing out the same links. This page has links to a number of writer’s communities where you can post your writing for reviews. http://sites.google.com/site/allusionsanddreams/home/resources-1 GL.

By: Pecos Bill

Pecos Bill — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

Pretty good. I saw a few typos and an incorrectly used word here and there but nothing you can’t fix on the next rewrite. I have to wonder how long this story has to be, because if it’s a short story you don’t have time for the details you gave above. If it’s novel or novella length, then you’re fine, but if it’s meant to be a short story you need to begin where the above piece ends; getting right into the meat of the story.

By: Reia T.

Reia T. — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

Lovely start. Now I want to find out what happens next. Haha The only thing that I could really say (and I say this to everyone) is proofread by hand and spellcheck yourself. There are a few grammar errors, some punctuation errors, etc. Semi-colons are your friends; don’t get comma-happy- I used to have a ton of trouble with that.
As someone who naturally checks these things (I’m asked by my teachers in school to proofread students’ papers) it just sticks out to me. The plot is progressing nicely, but I would like to see a bit more imagery. First-person perspective has the potential to really connect with the reader, but you have to have the emotions and reactions there. We know that Scarlett is annoyed by Danni, but could you expand on that with (at least the beginning) of a rant. The characters have some heart, but they’re just itching with desire to spring into full 3-D people.
By the way, I’m almost 15 and have had much experience writing. Good luck.