Today is May 5th, 2003 spring is slowly fading into summer. I woke up this morning to birds chirping at my window. It seemed like it was going to be a day like most others. I would wake up go to school then go to work and then come home to cook dinner for my dad. Who knew that today would change my life forever.
My name is Hailey Lennox, I am 18 years old and I live with my dad. We live in a small town about thirty minutes outside of Albany, New York. Most of the houses on our road are old farm houses. We live in a pretty standard white farm house; we even have an old red barn behind it. My favorite part about living on a farm is all the animal noises that you would not hear if you lived in a city.
I am a senior at Burnt Hills High School, I have not made any friends since we moved here but that just makes it easier to concentrate on school work. Which sort of helped me in a way. Graduation is in a couple weeks and I still haven’t even begun looking at colleges yet.
When we moved to this town my dad helped get me a job at the hardware store down the road from the high school. It’s not the best job in the world but I like it. That’s where I spend most of my time when I am not in school.
Today was like any other spring morning, I woke up before my dad and I darted out the door to smoke a cigarette. I sat at the small picnic table and watched the birds flutter around. Even with all the beauty of the morning I had a feeling something was not rite. I tried to ignore it hoping that it was nothing important.
Most times that I feel something bad is going to happen it usually does. Just last week I had felt something bad was going to happen to my favorite teacher. The next day in school I found out that she was in the hospital, there had been a fire in her house and she had been severely burned. She is still in the hospital; no one knows when she will be out.
I got up, put my cigarette out, grabbed the paper and walked back inside. I went straight to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. My dad was awake muttering something under his breath about the weather. That’s when the usual morning interrogations began.
“What were you doing outside.” He asked trying his hardest not to sound nosey.
“Well good morning to you too. I got the paper for you.” I said.
“I’m sorry hon. Good morning. Did you sleep well.” He asked.
“Yea I guess so.” I handed the morning paper to him.
“Thank you.” He said as he took the paper from my hand. “So what are your plans for after school.”
The same prying question that he asked every morning. Like he didn’t know the answer.
“I have to work rite after school until nine and then home to cook dinner.” I decided I was better off keeping the bad feeling I had to myself. He gets worried when I tell him about that kind of stuff.
“Oh look at the time, you better go get ready for school you are going to be late.” He said as he got up from the table.
“Yeah yeah yeah. I will see you tonight” I said as I grabbed my bag off the chair.
“Okay have a good day. Love you.”
“Love you too dad.” I said as I walked out of the room.
I ran up the narrow staircase to get ready for school. I went into my room and shut the door behind me. I normally really hate Mondays, especially Monday mornings. Since I was home all weekend I was kind of anxious to get out of the house, which kind of explained my rush to get to school. Normally I don’t care if I am late.
We moved to Burnt Hills about six months ago, it felt like it’s been a lot longer though. My dad and I had already had our morning routine down and we rotate who cooks dinner even though his version of cooking is dialing a phone and asking me what I want on my pizza.
We used to live about forty- five minutes away from here with my dads girlfriend. Something went very wrong with that relationship, as usual, so we decided it was time for a move. That’s how we ended up here in this tiny little town, Burnt Hills.
This is the kind of town where everyone knows each other and about seventy percent of the town is related somehow. My dad is a volunteer fire fighter for the local fire department so we met most of the town rather quickly and we weren’t such outsiders anymore. Things fell together like a bunch of pieces from a puzzle.
My parents got divorced about six years ago and since then my dad and I have moved a total of five times now. When the divorce was made official my dad got me and my mom got everything else including my younger sister Chloe. I am happy that I ended up with my dad though, my mother and I never got along that well. My sister on the other hand is my best friend and it’s hard not being able to see her every day. My dad helped me get a car so I can go to see Chloe and my mom whenever I want. It also helps my dad not having to drive me there and see my mother. Some how the fighting has just gotten worse since they got divorced.
The previous owners of our house left the furniture when they moved out, s
4 Responses to “I am writing a book and I am almost done with the first chapter. What do you think.”
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That was one giant info dump.
Work on showing, not telling. Incorporate that info into the storyline.
Also, your spelling and grammar need some work.
By the way, if your main character is planning on going to college in the fall, applications should have been submitted by the fall of her senior year.
it sounds okay. it’s a little wordy. it didnt really grab my attention.
It is very descriptive, but it sounds more like her diary, but I really like it so far. =D (and you should add more puncuation. like to the lists.)
Okay, first of all, it’s a good thing you’ve started writing if you want to become a writer.
But it feels like a lot of information that doesn’t really have a reason for being there. If you put something in, or write something, it should have a reason for being there, or else, it has no point and is a waste of time.
It’s a good first attempt but you need to find a purpose for writing so it’s not all just thoughts without any reason for being there. Remember you have a reader who you need to keep interested and will be questioning things in your writing, at least if they’re an involved reader.
Hope this helps. Don’t feel discouraged, every writer has a first try. You just need to work at it so it doesn’t stop here and it gets better.