I really don’t believe that my husband takes our 4 yr old son’s peanut allergy (which could be fatal) seriously. He doesn’t give him peanut butter or anything that definitely contains peanuts, but he doesn’t make sure to check labels for products that “could” contain peanuts- like manufacturers who use shared equipment. He also doesn’t seem to care if other people feed him. I know people will have him in their best interest, but I’m not going to trust baked goods from someone else’s kitchen because I really don’t know what’s in it. I mean, I have found that before we discovered his allergy, I was clueless to hidden peanuts in processed and restaurant foods, and didn’t really understand all the work and time it takes into reading food labels and cross-contamination.
I wouldn’t be so concerned about this it were a food intolerance, such as milk. It won’t kill you. But this is a big concern in my book.
Today, my FIL took my son to my husband’s work for a visit during his lunch break. Yesterday, my husband was calling me overprotective because I wanted him to take his EpiPen with him. He said he wouldn’t be eating anything. And when he came home today, my son told me that one of my husband’s co-workers gave him a Little Debbie Snack Cake. So far, everything’s fine. It was a Zebra Cake, but I’m pretty sure that all little Debbie Cakes are packaged with a “shared equipment” warning. What should I say to him when he gets home from work. His defense is that nothing happened, and that I’m overprotective. I’m afraid that the only wake-up call for him would be an anaphylactic reaction. My son has already had a skin reaction from an accidental kiss from his dad after eating a no-bake cookie- and my husband didn’t seem the least bit concerned,
because “it was just a rash.” I ran out to get him Benadryl. Sometimes I just want to rip my hair out. He’s a great father in all other aspects. I just want to know what his problem is. Help, please.
25 Responses to “How do I get my husband to understand that our son’s peanut allergy is a serious issue.”
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Your child comes 1st, not his opinions.
This is a tough call.it sounds to me that if he is great otherwise he has some hang-up with it. Did he have allergies that prevented him form playing sports or prevent him from a childhood activity.
pretend that he is almost dying because he had a chocolate bar, then make him come out of it alright, then the husband will understand how close he came to dying, and how serious the allergy actaully is
Make an appointment with the pediatrician or allergist and have THEM explain to you both (i.e. your husband) the danger and threat.
By going too for your benefit (wink wink) he wont feel defensive because you don’t think he’s a good father, trust him, so on so forth.
Find some serious peanut allergy article that could cause death, and have him read it.
Either you, or your doctor, sits him down and tell him”Feed your son peanut butter and he will die”
Or be really seriously upset at him for it, crying, yelling, the whole nine yards, He’ll have to listen
Your husband probably doesn’t want the kid to live like they will die at any moment.
I’ve known a gal for some years due to our love of cooking. Her daughter, now in college, also suffered from peanut allergy. She said once that she had to back off and let her husband do as he does or she would be smothering both him and the child. I’m not saying that this is what you need to do, but you do your part, let him do his part his way.
Apparently his thoughtlessness is based upon ignorance of the issue. Education is in order, perhaps from an MD. As it is, your hubby may just view you as being a hysteric or over-reactor about the subject, and doesn’t realize that your concern is valid.
Tell him your son will DIE if he eats peanut products and does not recieve his meds in time. Guys are like that though. If he doesn’t believe you let the doctor tell him
Peanut allergies can be lethal:
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23825650-421,00.html
or this article:
“Peanut allergies can be one of the most deadly types of allergy, according to the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America. And even trace amounts of the legume can cause anaphylactic shock in the most severe allergy sufferers, said Dr. Brian Novick, president of the Long Island Allergy and Asthma Society.
Anaphylactic shock is a life-threatening reaction characterized by swelling and difficulty breathing.
At its core, a peanut allergy - like any allergy - is the body’s overreaction to a substance, Novick said. “Any food allergy is essentially the immune system’s overreaction to an otherwise harmless protein,” he said. ”
http://www.newsday.com/news/printedition/longisland/ny-lipean065715745jun06,0,5989245.story
It’s quite serious. He’d better do some research and be more aware.
I would definitely do research and print out the information you find and show him what could happen.
I’m so sorry.
Good luck.
I understand you concern for your son, at the same time.you could drive your husband away with what I am sure is constant haranguing of this topic.
He just wants his son to have a normal childhood. which is understandable. The thing is though. does he want to watch his son go into anaphylactic shock and die before his eyes simply because he is too stubborn or lazy to take an epi-pen with him.
Allergies can develop from a simple rash to full-blown systemic reaction. Maybe your husband should talk to the doctor about the seriousness of this. Maybe he’ll hear it differently from a professional.
feed your son a peanut and make your husband watch what happens then he’ll take it seriously
Well, first of all.you child should go nowhere with his epi pin. I can save his life and i have seen them save lives. One of my best friends little boys has the super extreme peanut allergy as well.and i am a former paramedic. Honestly, i think the best way to gt the point across is to have a pediatrician talk to him about it, you would be amazed at how the MD makes people take things seriously.
It would be a sad event if your husband had to learn by your son having a severe reaction.sadly that’s what it takes sometimes for people to pay attention.
Since your husband doesn’t take your son’s peanut allergies seriously, it would be better to pack your son a peanut free snack or lunch in his little backpack.
Tell your husband not to accept snacks or anything from strangers because he has certain food allergies. If your husband is not being considerate about his son’s well being, I suggest you watch your son yourself or have someone babysit him that takes his peanut allergies seriously.
Make an appointment with either a pediatrician or an allergy specialist.BRING YOUR HUSBAND as well as your son.When asked the purpose of the appointment when making it,explain to the receptionist that it is for educational purposes.
Sometimes hearing it from someone who has “papers” finally sinks it in.
Also,join a local allergy group.Many cities have them.He may go with you.But then.its usually moms that go so he may think they are ALL overprotective.lol
best bet-take him with you to the doctor and get the doctor to back you up in terms of how serious it can get.
A little girl at my daughters school went into shock after sitting down at a table where another student had eaten a peanut butter sandwich (snuck it in,they had a peanut free classroom)
Just the residual oils from the other kids hands on the table was enough to send her into shock.
This is very serious and your husband NEEDS to be educated.
Been there. My 7 year old has fatal peanut and tree nut allergies. Thankfully, he’s outgrown dairy, egg and chocolate.
My husband was there when the allergist diagnosed him, and therefore stood behind me when we had to explain it to everyone else. Our OWN FAMILIES didn’t get it. Still don’t. My father-in-law continues to stash nuts stinking EVERYWHERE. We can’t take our son over there anymore because the second we walk in, he breaks out in hives. My parents bought their dog a stupid ball you stick PEANUT BUTTER in. They just refuse to get it.
I think you need to connect with other parents for support. Have you joined FAAN, yet.
There are dozens of stories of people dying from food allergies. All it takes is a TINY bit of protein- even a trace amount you can’t even see, and it could be over within a matter of minutes.
It becomes a way of life, it dictates where you go and what you do. It’s so hard, I know. Contact me and I can answer any further questions you have, or just “listen” if you need someone to talk to. Believe me, in seven years, we’ve encountered so many hard-headed, ignorant people. Most of them relatives. People get offended when we feed our kids before we go somewhere, or bring our own food, but when we investigate further, the “safe” food they’ve set out really isn’t. We’ve struggled with schools and church nurseries. It’s a constant battle, but one you fight because you love your child. Sometimes, all you want to do is scream at people until they “get it” and then curl up into a ball and cry for your child. It’s not fair,but there are others of us out here. Please feel free to contact me. I’d be happy to share tips if you’re interested.
mandie
p.s.- I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been labeled a hysterical mom, but I’ve never had to use the epi-pen. Not once. You protect him to the best of your ability. I once had an allergist tell me, “I wish all parents were as careful as you. Better a vigilant mom than a dead child”. ‘Nuf said.
Edit: I just wanted to add, PLEASE make it a habit to not leave the house without his epi-pen and Benadryl. Not ever. Ethan ( my son) carries his around in a child-size backpack that also contains at all times a “safe” snack , a list of his allergies and instructions for treating a reaction. If we forget it, we turn right around and get it. Even if we’re going to be late. One time being caught without it is all it takes. I carry a spare in my purse, we have one in the first-aid kit at home, and his school has one.
Hopefully your son will have the same good fortune my nephew did. He had severe reactions to peanuts when he was a toddler, so we treated him with kid gloves, and never allowed a peanut anywhere near him. His pediatrician when he was 7 asked my sister to give him a small amount of peanut butter while in his office where they could handle anything that came of it. Nothing happened. Apparently his immune system finally decided to deal with it properly.
As for your husband, do whatever it takes to make him understand. If you have to stick your son in a shirt with “Allergic to peanuts, please don’t eat peanut or expose me to products that use or are packaged where peanuts are manufactured” on it when he’s out with his dad, DO IT. Something tells me your husband will get the idea.
When you or your husband are rushing your son off to the emergency room because of a serious food allergy to peanut butter and perhaps almost losing him he will get the picture
your son obviously has a very severe allergy as he had a reaction just from a kiss.My niece has a peanut allergy and she has her epi pen with her at all times.her school keeps one handy and family that she visits regular keep one handy. Thankfully she’s never needed to have an injection.
we had a BBQ one yr and because my husband have veggie grills that had nuts in we used a separate BBQ and utensils for his grills. My kids love peanut butter but if my niece is coming to ours or we go there we “ban” peanut butter for 24 hours beforehand.
you will learn to relax bit more about her allergy as she gets older and knows herself what to avoid but your husband needs to realise she is not at risk of being ill, she could die from this allergy.
thankfully food labeling is getting much better but i can see why you worry so much
well, I am not sure what level of peanut allergy this is.
there is the allergic reaction which I had as a kid and my mother was warned not to give me almonds( I know not peanuts, but they were included). I loved them- I ate them anyway (they could trigger asthma-sometimes did, that was it). (I had a lot of triggers for asthma).
My mother then cared for my son for a while and insisted that he had a peanut allergy after he complained of a stomach ache from what MAY have been p-nuts.she took him to the Dr.’s and he showed a reaction on the skin scratch test.I was not convinced- AND knew he didnt have the peanut allergy (he’d already had pnut laden food) I know it CAN be fatal.my son had listened to my drama mama and refused p-nuts (which made Halloween great for me) for the longest time.I would give him little things that had pnut in it and he would eat it and say how great it was.he was all drama like my mom.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
sadly there happened to be a ltl girl from his preschool class that (my mother relayed the story years later, as my son and i do not live near her) . the girl went to a Candy Apple cart at a fair and carefully ordered one without pnuts.but we all know these usually come with the option of nuts.there werent any on her apple but they must have had them or dipped them in the proximity of the none p-nutted ones.she was ambulanced to the hospital and pronounced dead. she was about 8 or 9y.o. at the time.very sad.
I would take your son to the Dr’s get him officially tested for what type of allergy he has.if you havent already.print out stories from the ‘net’ in regard to peanut allergies and death
(if this is the severity of your son’s allergy) for your husband.
BRACELET:
I would advise to get him a medical alert bracelet for peanut allergy. (IF, this is the severity of his allergy) so that if your husband isnt going to be aware you can at least make others aware regardless.
Sounds like you are more concerned with your child’s health.He comes first.before your husband’s opinions.
Sounds like you married a Winner.
i would make appointment with sons doctor and have the doctor explain why its important that your son can not eat anything that has peanuts in it.i think your husband will listen and be more concerned if he heard it from a doctor.your husband seem to want your son to enjoy life and not be afraid every second.has your husband bought anything with peanuts in it.i think your husband knows and is not over protective as you are,that’s OK because your the mother that’s part of the job and the father is more laid back with the subject.i still think he should visit the child’s doctor.best wishes.
I know that peanut allergies are serious and if your son has a strong allergy then things like M&M’s (shared equipment food) can be off limits. However I also believe that you have to find out for your son what the limits are. My sister has a peanut allergy and can eat M&M’s. The no-bake cookie I am guessing had straight PB in it, and maybe some was left on his lips and that is the reason for the reaction. I would not “protect” from the smaller things like M&M’s and Little Debbies unless I have seen a reaction already. Keep him from the big stuff. Allergies are actually treated by giving small doses of the allergen, maybe your son’s allergy will lessen with exposure to some cross contamination. Those machines get cleaned it’s not like the M&M will have peanut butter in/on it.
I would talk to the doctor and see how protective you need to be, and be sure your hubby is at that appointment.